Dr Staphanie Coccus
"Oh my! You're injured! Please, come in! Sit right down!!"
Other names: Bacteriocleric, The Terrible Bacteria "Doctor"
Bioform: Bacterial
Native zone: Inert sub-concept vessel
Residence: Inert sub-concept vessel
Occupation: Doctor, healer
Likes: Carrion
A good natured bacteria doctor.


Staph is the local doctor in a bacteria village in Fern's inert sub-concept vessel. She is a Staphylococcus bacteria with a round shape and a few cilia for arms and legs. Being the only Staphylococcus in the biozone, she actually represents all the Staphylococcus bacteria in the real corpse. Staph wears a medical hat with a red heart on it and, like all bacterial residents, a skull mask. Under the mask there is no face. Staph also has a Q-tip for a staff. Lacking visual perception, bacteria are scent oriented. Staph swore to not harm any living creature but she still joins in battle as a support and healer. Staph is very resilient to damage and has the ability to take zero damage for one turn. She also has a lot of health which she can use to heal allies with her own biomass. Another ability she has is to boost an ally for one turn by covering them in bacterial matter.

Staph has a nice grandmotherly personality. Unlike most doctors, Staph is actually competent in treating grey zoners. This is because she lives in Fern's corpse and it's natural for her to know human anatomy better. Like all decomposing natives, Staph feeds with decaying matter, including that of her deceased friends. Staph is also accustomed to death and accepts the idea that everything dies eventually.

Staph knew Celia since she was little and probably took care of her. She is also friends with Maggie and Magatha, the swamp witches. Together with Celia and Maggie, Staph joined Fern in her quest to retrieve an anomaly (the exvironator). She and Maggie died zappitated by Trichia when they refused to let her take over the quest.

During the battle with the Terrortoma, Staph performed a fusion with Celia and Maggie, becoming Staphellie.

When Celia and Fern had to face Balphin's wrath, Celia was put in the trashcan with Staph's and Maggie's bodies and thrown by Fern in the exvironator corrupted pool. This made the trio temporarily transform into overpowered versions of themselves. In this "mega mode", Staph gained an hourglass shape, glowing red light in her mask's sockets and her hat having a different symbol. Her only known move in this mode is "Reverse Healing", a move where she actually pulls out a gigantic 1911 pattern pistol to shoot her target.

Much later, after the corpse world is overtaken by the Red Blight (becomes a Slob) it is ruled by Queen Doctor Staphelia, a fusion between Celia and Staph. We learn from them that Maggie doesn't spend too much time with them anymore, being busy with something called "The Writhenating" and attending to her acolytes, cenobites, prophecies, sacrifices and whatnot.

First AppearanceEdit

In Awful Hospital, ally of Fern.



In the Biovessel:

  • Name: Doctor Staph
  • Class: Bacteriocleric
  • LVL: 15
  • ATK: X (none)
  • HP: 30
  • Moves: Give HP, Boost, Resist

Mega Form:

  • Moves: Reverse Healing


  • Her name is a pun on Staphylococcus.
  • The only times she broke her no harm oath is when fused into Staphellie and in her mega form.
  • Staph is famous among the range. She is the inventor of a bottle that contains YOUR rejuvenating biofluids upon opening. In other words, a health potion.