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Tote

Many items are encountered in the Noisy Tenant continuity and they are an integral part of it. Many protagonists and other characters have an inventory system and the amount they can carry depends on them. Items are gained either by buying them from a shopkeeper using various currency, trading, finding them, completing tasks, given by others or by alternate means. On this page is a list of all the items encountered so far. SPOILER WARNING.

Legend:

CurrencyEdit

 
Currency
Name Image Description Notation/Symbol Media
Blood
Q
Blood is a common currency around places such as The Hospital. It is measured in cc (centimeter cube). Any type or combination of types are accepted. cc AH
Excretion Crystals
Icon-voice
Excretion crystals are obtained by depositing biological waste (excrement) into a Waste Bank Terminal which purifies and crystallizes the waste. With the Waste Bank you can open a waste channel (like a bank account) to have your currency in a safe place. This currency is common among the Parliament and the primary shopkeepers are Bubble Merchants who subsist on excretion crystals. EXC AH
Keratin Points
Item-kp
The general currency in most inert endozones. These are slices of hair resembling coins made of keratin. Are obtained by finding them or by defeating enemies. KP AH
Teeth Teeth are a common type of currency for payment or tipping. - AH
Used Bandages
Item-bandaid
Used bandages are another common currency around The Hospital and are pretty abundant at that. They are dropped by monsters such as Biobags or found in places like the patient rooms. ub AH
Voop
Icon-voice
Raw voop is usually traded with a white zone voopsmith. If you don't warp your tubes right-side-out after interfacing with a voopsmith then you traded all that voop for nothing because of Shift Poxulators. - BD

Weapons and ToolsEdit

 
Weapons and Tools
Name Image Description Cost Media
Blender
Item-blender
A regular blender with some colored buttons. Needs to be plugged in to work. - AH
Frame Shard
Frameshard
A frame shard that Fern recovered from the wooden picture she smashed at The Hospital when angered by Dr Phage when they first met. It was her first weapon. - AH
Grappling Hook
Hook
Dr Balmer gave one of these to Fern when sending her after an anomaly. It was used with a keratin stake to make a bridge out of Mildred by holding her in place. - AH
Hand Vacuum
Item-vacuum
A 70's styled hand vacuum with creamy colors and yellow stains. Still functional. - AH
Jay's Gun
Jaygun
The weapon wielded by an iteration of Jay with a broken arm. The ammo only runs out when you least expect it. It is the same gun the Crooked Spine tried to sell Fern earlier but back then it lacked bullets and the trigger. Jay thinks he always had this weapon. 5600cc AH
Jay's Machete
Jaymachete
The weapon wielded by an iteration of Jay with an eyepatch. Jay thinks he always had this weapon. - AH
Jay's Nailed Bat
Gazingblue
The weapon wielded by an iteration of Jay with a broken neck. It's a grey bat with nails on it. Jay thinks he always had this weapon. - AH
Keratin Axe
Item-axe
A battle axe made of keratin. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. It was bought together with the keratin sword for the profit and gives Fern a +1 damage for her STAB attack. She nicely fitted the handle into her pipe weapon for better handling, resulting in the pipe axe. 50 KP (70 KP if bought together with the keratin sword) AH
Keratin Hammer
Khammer
Originally owned by Celia and used for hammering warning signs around her forest. It was given to Fern and gave her the BASH attack. - AH
Keratin Stakes
Kstakes
Originally owned by Celia and used for her warning signs around her forest. A couple of them were given to Fern and used in puzzles. - AH
Keratin Sword
Item-sword
A sword made of keratin. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. It was bought together with the keratin axe for the profit and gives Celia a +1 damage for her SLASH attack after which she quickly discarded her original weaker sword. 50 KP (70 KP if bought together with the keratin axe) AH
Kidney Stone Sword
Stonestick
Obtained after Fern defeated the Kidney Stone Mother by impaling her eye with a wooden frame shard. The frame got overgrown with the monster's mineral waste, creating a sharp new weapon. Fern carried this weapon for a long time during her adventure. - AH
Maggie's Staff
Maggiestaff
As a Dark Diptomancer, Maggie carries with her a staff like most spell casters. As expected, she uses it whenever she casts a spell. - AH
Pipe Axe
Pipeaxe
The keratin axe after it was fitted into Fern's pipe for better handling. Stats are unchanged (+1 damage to STAB attack). - AH
Portable Blacklight
Item-blacklight
A device that shines ultraviolet light when activated. When used in The Hospital it reveals living White Stains that can be interacted with and heard if seen. They only attack if perceived and their hostility can be weaponized by using the blacklight during a battle, but damage is divided between the opponent and the user. It's also useful for the sensory impaired to see if something is pre-mucused or to peer into the quad-purple froth matrix. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. Later it was given to Willis. ~10ub AH
Q-Tip Staff
Qtip
An over-sized Q-tip owned by Staph. She doesn't fight and it's used as a staff. It's not clear if it's really needed or if it helps with her "spells". - AH
Rusty Grappling Hook
Item-hook
Found by Fern and Celia while exploring the dark Underflesh of Fern's inert sub-concept vessel. It belonged to a previous JBE (Junior Biovessel Explorer) and got rusty over time. - AH
Sharpened Pipe
Pipe
The first weapon Fern gets while exploring her own copse world after her hammerspace tote bag failed to function in this zone. It was given to her by a helpful Cyst Dweller to defend against the Chest Worm. It's actually the tip of a syringe. It was later combined with the keratin axe, becoming the "pipe axe". - AH
Zappitator
Zappitator
Trichia's weapon of choice, a green device that shoots deadly red lightning. It kills most creatures in one zap. It's triggered either by tactile or chemical input. - AH

Equipment and WearablesEdit

 
Equipment and Wearables
Name Image Description Cost Media
Big Rubber Gloves
Item-gloves
Professional rubber gloves that come up to the wearer's short sleeves. Fern's first rubber gloves fell apart without noticing and she later bought these new ones from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~60ub AH
Boot
Bubble-boot
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a simple old boot. Not knowing what it is, the Parliament theorizes that is is a modular cranial exoshell for grey zoners, possibly "DACK". Eyeslob bought and traded it for the much more expensive Burgrr hat, since the boot was though to be head-worn. 1 EXC AH
Burgrr Hat
Bubble-hat2
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a hat that is worn by Burgrr Inc. employees. It can be used to infiltrate them. When worn, the wearer is transported to Burgrr and seen as one of their employees. Unequipping it returns the wearer where they last put it on. The interior of the hat looks fleshy. Eyeslob got it cheap by buying the 1 EXC boot and trade it for the hat, all because the boot was thought to be head-worn. 300 EXC or traded for other headwear AH
Clapping Hat
Bubble-hat
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a hat with hands on it that clap when a string is pulled. The Parliament thinks it's a ritualistic item. Eyeslob bought it and when used it makes others confused, even ending battles peacefully. It's a good way to show peaceful intentions and avoid unnecessary confrontations. 1 EXC AH
Filthy Slippers
Item-slippers
A pair of pink filthy slippers but not as filthy as The Hospital floor (which is also coated in Pissworm spores and excreta). Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~25ub, ~50ub AH
Hammerspace Tote Bag
Tote
A tote bag with the Burgrr logo on it that has 10 inventory compartments for concepts of any weight and volume. All ten compartments have infinite size, occupying the same space simultaneously. No more than one concept can be put in the same compartment. The tote bag vanishes and reappears as needed. It doesn't work in every zone (such was the case in Corpse World, leaving its contents unavailable. Fern gets one when she bought a louse treatment from the Crooked Spine and as a bonus offer she got the bag and an aerosol cheese for free. Free bonus gift. AH
Head Strap Light
Headlight
Dr Balmer gave one of these to Fern when sending her after an anomaly. It is used to provide light in dark places such as the Underflesh. - AH
Ink Sac
Bubble-ink
Sold Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a physiological augmentation that sprays ink in emergencies to flee from dangerous foes. Eyeslob bought it. 100 EXC AH
Manipulatory Appendage
Bubble-arm
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a limb with extremities designed for non-destructive manipulation that can be augmented to a living subject. Eyeslob bought this since his clawed hands are ill equipped for delicate grasping. 100 EXC AH
Navigational Membrane Shard
Bubble-arrow
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a cerebral implantation that zeroes in on the desired destination, similar to a GPS. Eyeslob bought this to find Fern easier. 44 EXC AH
Staph's Hazard Suit
Staphhazardsuit
A haz-mat suit made for bacteria morphology. Staph has one and wears it when handling anti-bacterial chemicals. - AH
Staph's Med Kit
Staphmedkit
A med kit with a red heart on it found in Staph's inventory. - AH
Temp Staff Pin
Item-staffpin
A grayish rectangular pin with the words "TEMP STAFF" written on it in black. Wearing it produces a tingling feeling and the wearer is seen as temporary staff by Hospital doctors. Fern used one and Dr Gynnie assumed she was the emergency staff she called for. - AH

ConsumablesEdit

 
Consumables
Name Image Description Cost Media
Aerosol Cheese
Aerosolcheese
A dirty can of aerosol cheese, half empty. Fern got it from the Crooked Spine as a bonus gift from purchasing the louse treatment. She later used it in a battle versus the Kidney Stone Mother to blind her. Free bonus gift AH
Animal Fluids
Item-animalfluid
A cup of animal fluids. Blood and flesh are visible in the image. Served at The Cafe. 15ub AH
Bacterial Meatshake (Vibriofluid)
Item-vibriofluid
A cup of deep brown bubbling froth, it's a mix of animal fluids and Vibrio vulnificus, both purchased from The Cafe by Fern. Smells "like you imagine a septic tank would if the whole family only ate expired dog food". She made the mixture using a blender and an extension cord with the intention of poisoning a dolphin to death. The attempt failed because of the taste. - AH
Blackish Foam
Item-blackishfoam
Joe's specialty is his own contents from his cup head. It's thick, gooey and smells like burnt tire rubber with just a hint of something like cold bacon fat. It's the equivalent of his blood so he never drinks it. As a new barista for The Cafe, Joe came with the idea of including a complimentary sample of his specialty with any purchased drink, for a quasispiral only. He seems to enjoy pouring himself, unlike Chip. He once served the foam to Fern, who didn't want to drink it and used it in a battle against Dr Man where she soaked Man's Bandages with it to prevent healing plus doubling received damage to Man. On the house AH
Chip's Chocolate Mocha
Drink
Chip's specialty is his own chocolate mocha residing in his cup head. It's the equivalent of his blood so he never drinks it. While working for The Cafe, Chip offered to customers his mocha for free. He seems to experience an agonizing pain when pouring himself. He once served Fern, who enjoyed the mocha so much she leveled up to LVL 11. On the house AH
Danger Apple
Apple
A red apple in a box with caution tape all over it. Fern found it in a laboratory refrigerator in The Hospital. It may be dangerous to the doctors based on the saying "an apple a day keeps the doctor away". - AH
Ded-Stone Fogger
Dedstone
A fogger that kills off kidney stones. Eyeda Sorrit traded this to Fern for the louse treatment and Fern gave it to Nobody Nose to get rid of his kidney stone problem. - AH
Disinfectant
Item-alcohol
A bottle of pure antiseptic used for healing wounds. Staph gave it to Fern to heal herself. Because it's deadly for bacteria, Staph wears her haz-mat suit when handling it. - AH
Disinfectant Bomb
Item-alcohol2
An incendiary bomb improvised by putting in it a paper fuse and Maggie igniting it with flies embodying the notion of fire. It was used offensively against the Terrortoma in battle for high damage. It was the commenters idea. - AH
Doctor Doctor's Devaxinizers
Pamphlet-devax
They are antivaccine detoxification tablets that presumably cure vaccines in 2 hours. It contains no fromadlehyde, no chemistries, no particle, no added science but contains a product. The image on it is a Naegleria fowleri (brain-eating amoeba) and it's also the image used for Blabbers. - AH
Doctor Staphanie Coccus' Health Potion
Item-health
Invented by Staph, its a bottle with a heart on it that is guaranteed to contain the rejuvenating biofluids of whoever opens it. Used for regaining health. Crooked Spine gives the first sample free with any purchase. ~20ub (First sample free with any purchase) AH
Dr P's Regurg-I-Syrup
Item-redbottle
A red bottle of emetic medicine, targeted for infants to make them vomit in emergency situations. A close-up of the bottle's label can be viewed here and the back label here. Dr P, the mascot, looks like a duck version of Dr Phage, leading many to believe that this is another product made by him. In some cases, may cause total skeletal expulsion. - AH
Drinkable Grultch
Item-grultch
A weird snack from a vending machine. The package reads "Side Gelled Grultch Now as Fluid Does!" - AH
Enviro-Skin
Item-enviroskin
A disposable single-use bubble suit, resistant to all extremes of heat, cold, vacuum and corrosives for a limited period of time before it vaporizes. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. Maggie fills it with dipterites to create Diptworth, a living lure for the Rapidworms. 20 KP AH
Extremely Moldy Bread
Item-bread
A slice of bread overtaken by a large amount of mold. Has a strong sharp, acidic and mushroomy smell. - AH
Flep
Bubble-flep
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it's a delicious flep essential for crustenating a ploob shloid and enhances threat capacity in violent confrontations. In other words, it's a damage booster. Eyeslob bought it to increase his damage stat. 81 EXC AH
Flubblub
Item-flubblub
A weird snack from a vending machine. It looks like some intestines, smells like motor oil, has "glaps" and it emits a continuous little sighing sound. When used, it restores the whole party's health. Grey zoners perceive this usage as an impression of something sticky and a little sweet, folding inside-out into something crunchy and acidic before collapsing with a scream into nothingness. It can't be used in combat situations because it becomes scared. - AH
Gas Medication
Gaspills
A bottle of pills for gas problems. Nobody Nose traded this to Fern for the Ded-Stone Fogger and she gave it to Sickly Stomach, who is addicted to them. It causes the stomach to barf more. - AH
Get Well Cupcake
Cupcake
Bloodstain used to have a moldy cupcake in bloodstains Hospital room and as an act of appreciation that Bloodstain helped her hide under the bed, Fern places the cupcake on Bloodstain, who consumes it by absorbing it. To repay Fern, Bloodstain leaves a letter and a fresher version of the cupcake in her room. Unlike the previous cupcake, this one doesn't have an inverted E letter on it. - AH
Greb Lebler
Bubble-gland
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it has the flavor and nutrient offerings of a sleb lebler with only half the glartch. 44 EXC AH
HAPPIE! WORT!!
Item-happiewort
It is a boxed medicine that makes warts grow bigger. Smells horrible even in its box. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull after which she gave it to Verruca Patch. This made the warts grow into a giant stalk that broke through the ceiling. 5600cc; ~100ub AH
Immuno-Chews
Immuno
Chewing candy that are an organic non-GMO vaccine alternative, maybe recommended by a doctor. Immuno-Chews sponsors Awful Hospital as seen in the beginning. The mascot on it is a Giardia lamblia, a parasitic protozoan. - AH
Inert Corpus
Bubble-chicken
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is the headless and plucked body of a chicken. 1 EXC AH
Inert Corpus
Bubble-rat
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is the dead body of a rat. Not familiar with grey zone creatures, the Parliament thinks it represents the intermediate stage between a "babby" and an "adalt". 1 EXC AH
Instant Eyeaway
Item-eyeway
A blue bottle with an illustration of a crossed pink eye. With a few drops it can reconceptualize eyes. In other words, it removes eyeballs. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~50ub AH
Instant Plasmodiidae
Malaria
A bottle of malaria, invented by Dr Culex. Sickly Stomach had a bottle in his stomach and Fern recovered it from his vomit after giving him gas pills. Depressed Spleen wanted a serious blood disease so he could get Molly's attention and distract her to allow Fern get past her. - AH
Louse Treatment
Lousetreatment
Actually not a treatment against lice, but with lice. It's a bottle that contains live lice that are dispensed like from a salt shaker. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and gave it to Eyeda Sorrit to treat her clown lice infestation. 5600cc AH
Maggie's Candy Bag
Candybag
A bag Maggie carries that is full of sweets, including marshmallows made of dipterites. A butterscotch wrapper from the bag is later repurposed to draw a map of the Marrow Dungeon. - AH
Miracle Patches
Patches
Patches that are "probably anticarcinogenic". The doctor who made it is hinted to be "Dr P", a duck version of Dr Phage used as a friendly mascot. Based on the illustration it may be made in response to the Parliament's Slobyfication cancer. - AH
Mucus Vial
Item-mucus
Found by Fern while exploring the Underflesh of her own inert sub-concept vessel and another one from the Ghastly Physician Worm. It's a vial full of green fresh mucus that has restorative properties if ingested. It restores all health out of battle. - AH
Odorous Organic Mass
Bubble-cheese
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a smelly piece of cheese with holes. Not knowing what it is, the Parliament thinks it is a grey zone weapon. 1 EXC AH
Oold Pollep
Bubble-pollep
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a biomatrix germination node that initiates immediate reconstruction on loss of functionality. In other words, upon dying it dissolves and revives the user on the spot. Eyeslob bought this and it saved him when battling Dr Man. He bought a second one later. 55 EXC AH
Phage's Yogurt
P-yogurt
Dr Phage has a craving for yogurt and empty cups are littered around his office. His inventory is shown to contain an infinite amount of them. Yogurt is a bacterial product so it would make sense for it to be food for a bacteriophage (bacteria eater). - AH
Safe Tea
Item-safedrink
A free "Parliament Special" served at The Cafe exclusively to Slobs. Flair claims that it is their "brand new, safe-brewed, safe-flavored bomkucha tea available exclusively for Parliament Bionodes" but in actuality it's only a red bottle containing a piece of her with a badge face so she can turn gullible Slobs into her employees. The name is also a pun on safety. Free AH
Sleepy Beverage
Item-sleepy
A product of The Cafe, it's a beverage that causes the consumer to fall asleep. It has a thick, blue, jiggly froth and a burning, piney stink, the mere smell of which causes tiredness. Fern ordered it from Joe for free since Flair promised a free drink for her. 4ish AH
Sloppy Joe
Sloppyjoe
A signature burger of Burgrr Inc. made by Grinding Chuck. Ora asked Fern to bring her a sloppy joe but Chuck was feeling unwell from a Glumdroodler reverberator. With an item list from BBQ Girll, Fern gathered everything necessary to conceptualize the appropriate deverberator to lure it out. After defeating the Glumdroodler with the help of BBQ Girll and Harmburger, BBQ Girll pushed Fern's body into Grinding Chuck. In this way they produced a batch of sloppy joes made of Fern to serve at The Hospital cafeteria. Free cafeteria meal AH
Shpoomf
Item-shpoomf
A weird snack from a vending machine. It's oily, and something sloshes around inside. The slightest squeeze straightens out the rubber tube dangling off one end. - AH
Swarl Clister
Bubble-swirl
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a delicious clister that exudes swarl flavoring. Not suited for Ottoman consumption, it's extremely volatile to them. Eyeslob bought it but not before his first Ottoman encounter. 87 EXC AH
Universal Adhesive
Item-adhesive
A powerful instant adhesive that binds any two surfaces together. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. 10 KP (or any other item) AH
Universal Bioadhesive
Item-glue
A powerful glue that can bind anything to anything, especially anything biological to anything. It can also be used to build a grabslabbener out of foonbootles. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. It was used to trap Dr Phage in a box long enough to get the Maternity Ward password from his office. ~5ub AH
Vibrio Vulnificus
Item-vibrio
A cup full of Vibrio vulnificus, an infectious species of bacteria related to Vibrio cholerae, the cholera bacteria. Smells like halitosis (bad breath). Served at The Cafe. 10ub AH
Wet Cretture Spacial
Item-seafood
A product from Burgrr Inc. represented by seafood, specifically different raw pieces of aquatic animals. Despite being identical to the real deal, these are actually picked from a tree. The order is normally placed in a "Fun's Meal Bucket". A more up close image of the bucket's contents can be seen on this page.  ? AH
Worm Attractant
Item-attractant
A bottled chemical that is irresistibly appetizing for anything that qualifies as a worm but also pretty toxic. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper and used on Diptworth to lure away the Rapidworms. 10 KP (or any other item) AH
Worm Repellant
Item-repellant
A bottled chemical that is sickeningly repulsive for worms and generally toxic for anything that touches it. It's spray-on. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. 10 KP (or any other item) AH

Books and DocumentsEdit

 
Books and Documents
Name Image Description Cost Media
Birthday Card
Bubble-card
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a simple birthday card. Not knowing what it is, the Parliament thinks it's used to distract predatory grey roamers. Eyeslob bought this. 1 EXC AH
Branchination for Subsapioids
Item-branchbook
An orange book with no text on it, only an illustration of a concept core with its branches. It's a book meant for the lesser minded explaining about how branchination and cores work, which are really basic things. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. It can be read here. ~33ub AH
Chained Book
Item-book
A chained book with a face on it. It has a weird mental influence, causing nausea, black-outs and other draining effects. It's best read with multiple people after which a nap is required because of the mental exhaustion. It's a children's book made by the Parliament and tells the story of The Birthday Cake. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper. It's appearance resembles the Necronomicon. It can be read here. 100 KP AH
Data Drip (Blue)
Udrep1
Data drips are colored sacs with what looks like a mosquito pupa in them and each contains knowledge that is obtained by consuming the respective data drip. They are offered by Parliament Drip Librarians. This one is blue and it's a technical difficulty report. Free AH
Data Drip (Pink)
Udrep2
Data drips are colored sacs with what looks like a mosquito pupa in them and each contains knowledge that is obtained by consuming the respective data drip. They are offered by Parliament Drip Librarians. This one is pink and it's a recipe for Nana Spleetchwarkle's Blistfumps. Free AH
Data Drip (Green)
Udrep3
Data drips are colored sacs with what looks like a mosquito pupa in them and each contains knowledge that is obtained by consuming the respective data drip. They are offered by Parliament Drip Librarians. This one is gree and it's a love letter from Drip Librarian Q7Q-DT8 to Observation Nodule EKZ-00BQ44-OTR7. Since data drips were scarce when Eyeslob visited the library, he was allowed to choose only one of four current data drips. Influenced by his buzzers, he chose this one and it may have made him more peaceful. Free AH
Data Drip (Red/Orange)
Udrep4
Data drips are colored sacs with what looks like a mosquito pupa in them and each contains knowledge that is obtained by consuming the respective data drip. They are offered by Parliament Drip Librarians. This one is red/orange and it's a behavioral anomaly report. Free AH
Data Drip (Vault)
Icon-pod
Data drips are colored sacs with what looks like a mosquito pupa in them and each contains knowledge that is obtained by consuming the respective data drip. They are offered by Parliament Drip Librarians. This one was found lying around in the flesh version of The Maternity's A wing, where the problem vault is located. This pod informs about the location and states that this is where the Parliament's master plan is taking place. The message can be read at this page. Free AH
Image Pulp Flap
Bubble-book
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a book meant for grey zone children that spreads Parliament propaganda in a "primitive, indirect way". It has illustrations of The Very Hungry Grey Worm. Eyeslob bought it and because he can't read he asked Bloodstain to read it for him. It can be read here. 100 EXC AH
Jay's Journal
Jj0
Jay's personal journal in which he documents his noteworthy events at The Hospital and designates types of Slobs. Each encountered Slob is given a number and a nickname. He keeps it in his room but each time new entries appear or disappear, given the nature of how weird "time" works here. Some entries are from the future or alternate realities. It can be read here. The first page was changed, it's previous iteration can be seen here. - AH
JBE Journals
Item-papers
A trio of yellowed parers Fern found while exploring the dark Underflesh of her own inert sub-concept vessel. These are journals written by "Junior Biovessel Explorers" (JBE) that were sent on (doomed) missions by Dr Balmer. All of them died and the last one furiously cursed Balmer for their predicament. The first two papers are written by JBE 07683 and JBE 12837, who were killed and eaten by Baby Heads Worm and Bandage Worm respectively. The papers can be read here, here and here. - AH
Locked Metal File #1
Lockedfile1
A locked, rusty metal file that Fern found while inside Ora. It can only be opened with the file key. The half digested documents inside it are about a doctor's (probably Dr Man) experience with a Slob patient. It can be read here. - AH
Locked Metal File #2
Lockedfile2
A locked, rusty metal file that Fern found while inside Lacey's endozone. It can only be opened with the file key. Its contents are the remains of a pamphlet/package about Miracle Patches. - AH
Phage's Paperwork
P-paperwork
As the head authority of The Hospital, Dr Phage has to deal with a lot of paperwork. He even has an infinite amount of it in his inventory. - AH
Purple/Grey Book
Item-purplebook
Fern found it in Lacey's Surgery Ward room. It was purple at first but turned grey when Fern held it in her hands. The book is meant for infants or "large imbeciles" and it contains basic information about the grey zone. It's also biased against the zone's existence. Since the book turned from purple to grey when a grey zoner touched it, it can be speculated that the book describes the reader's native zone. Macrobobby also has a weakness to books and was instantly defeated when it was thrown at him. It can be read here. - AH

Living ItemsEdit

 
Living Items
Name Image Description Cost Media
Antibiotic Ointment
Item-ointment
A minion of Dr Man, it is a blue tube of antibiotic ointment with the letters A and O on it which also give a vague impression of eyes. The ointment coming out is like a pseudopod making up the rest of its body. In battle, Antibiotic Ointment can move lightning fast to cover its master in the solution, which nullifies all malady damage during that battle. This triggers automatically when a malady attack is performed. After the battle between Dr Man and Fern was over, the ointment accepted Dr Man's proposal of joining Fern in her journey as a minion. - AH
Baggie Full of Leeches
Item-leeches
A handful of medicinal leeches contained in a sandwich bag, fresh from the Surgery Ward. Meant to be used for removing excess blood. They are hungry. Fern bought them from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. They may be the remains of a Hospital staff member. ~15ub; ~30ub AH
Bandages
Manpal-bandages
A minion of Dr Man, he is a small being made entirely of gauze bandages with two blood stains for eyes. In battle, Bandages automatically heals his master to full health after receiving damage by wrapping them in a thick cocoon from which they emerge without a wound. This, however, is a reflex and he can't help it if his healing abilities are compromised. - AH
Best Doctor
P-doctor
Apparently, Dr Phage's inventory contains himself and in infinite amount! - AH
Emergency Teratoma
Item-teratoma
A pulsating wad of flesh with an eye and a little baby hand that clenches and u-nclenches. Agreed upon by wide scientific and quasiscientific consensus to be one of the best tools when in mortal danger, mortal safety, lonely, bored or hungry. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. Real life versions can be ordered on Etsy and they originate from the Halloween 2014 tutorial article that instructs how you can make one yourself. ~150ub AH
Fern's Impaled Body
Item-you
The (barely living) body of Fern after being impaled by the Terrortoma. During battle Celia managed to recover it and after finishing the battle Staph saved Ferb's life by healing the fatal wound. - AH
Infoid Larvus
Bubble-infoid
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, the Infoid Larvus is a cerebral symbiont that provides informational assistance. The one Eyeslob bought was slightly used, with an estimated 75% functionality. 97 EXC AH
Kidney Stone
Littlestone
After its mother died at the hands of Fern, one of the Kidney Stone children felt an attachment towards Fern and tagged along in her adventures, becoming and inventory item. Its a girl and spends most of her time sleeping in the tote bag. She is used as a battle minion that "agitates all enemy bladders", giving them kidney stones if they have bladders. This deals one point of damage per turn. - AH
Ramblin' Evil Colorectal Polyp
Polypitem
Ramblin' Evil Colorectal Polyp is exactly what his name says, minus the evil part. When Fern first met him she mistaken the encounter as hostile in nature and deployed her Kidney Stone Kid to fight him. Instead they played with each other and became friends. Then the polyp joined Fern's inventory without asking. He never planned on being an item pickup but it seemed an easy life for him. In battle, he can be deployed to use his telecolonalysis on enemies with colons to give more info about them. - AH

MiscellaneousEdit

 
Miscellaneous
Name Image Description Cost Media
Ancillary Storage Bladder, Triplicate
Bubble-inventory
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a group of three additional storage bladders that increase inventory space by three slots. Eyeslob upgraded his inventory with this, resulting in a total of seven storage bladders. 200 EXC AH
Antiquated Medical Model
Item-model
A crude model of basic human physiology, barely just distinguishing the head and the body. Recovered from the Ghastly Physician Worm and used to make a lure when solving a puzzle. - AH
Antiquated Medical Model with Hook
Item-lure
The antiquated medical model now with the hook glued to it using the adhesive. This was done to create a lure for the simple minded Feverworm in solving a puzzle. - AH
Blungus
Fleshitem-blungus
With this you can "blungus on the go". Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Boo Boo Bunny
Item-booboobunny
A "boo boo bunny" is a cloth crafted into the shape of a bunny and used as an ice pack for toddlers. Found in the supply closet of the Maternity Ward, this one looks suspiciously similar to the one Fern made for her son. Fern's mother also used to make these for her. A strange property this one has is to transfer somebody's sickness to itself. Fern used it on an Egglet that had its baby turning into a Slob to absorb the infection but this made the Boo Boo Bunny turn into a bunny-like Slob instead of the child. - AH
Cathy's Finger
Item-finger
One of Cathy's fingers. After Jay killing her he ordered Fern to bury her body behind the walls, which would prevent her from coming back and erase her from other's memory. Not wanting this, Fern cut one of her fingers so The Hospital could bring her back. Also any liquid that passes through the finger turns into urine. - AH
Clock
Bubble-clock
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a simple round alarm clock. Not knowing what it is, the Parliament thinks of it as an interrogation mechanism. 1 EXC AH
Dead Clam Covered in Googly Eyes
Item-clam
A dried clam glued to a champagne cork, with many googly eyes on it. Sold by Crooked Spine but not even he knows if it's useful for something. 5600cc; ~110ub AH
Dead Thing
Item-bug
The lifeless husk of an insect-like creature. - AH
Deverberator
Deverb
To help removing Grinding Chuck's Glumdroodler, BBQ Girll gave Fern a list of items to gather so she could conceptualize and manifest the appropriate deverberator to trick the Glumdroodler into a matter-form. The items needed are: an eyeball's louse, an object you don't need but have to haggle for, a big old bucket of vomit, a Hair Dragon's egg from the Tower of Oblivious Heads, mucus from something that no longer exists, and six other items. - AH
Disgusting Bloody Gauze Strand
Item-bandage
A piece of a Bandage Worm burglarized by Celia. It's a bloody bandage that wouldn't be much good if used. It was traded with the Bacteria shopkeeper for some bottled chemicals. - AH
Disgusting Clot of Half-Dried Spit
Item-spit
An useless item burglarized from the Baby Heads Worm by Celia. It was traded with the Bacteria shopkeeper for some bottled chemicals. - AH
Eevlorp
Fleshitem-eevlorp
A flesh device said to be used for knowing what others think. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. Eyeslob traded a birthday card for it. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Exvironator
Exvironator-cr
Mysterious red objects made by the Parliament resembling some kind of circuitry, usually found in the victim's endozone (living or dead). They are anomalous infections with various effects and are responsible for the creation of Slobs. More info in its article. - AH
Filthy Rags
Item-rags
Filthy rags that appear to be hardened and crusty with uncertain varieties of grime. - AH
Flenst Hoim
Bubble-flenst
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is an attractant gland that increases frequency of violent encounters with similar bioforms. Useful for EXP and LVL gaining for Slobs. 10 EXC AH
Flormger
Fleshitem-flormger
Can probably usually detect the best or most interesting course of navigation. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Flunchenating Blib
Bubble-blib
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is an essential tool for the stimulation of blib fluncheons. 17 EXC AH
Gigantic Rubber Tube
Item-glove
The sleeve part of the rubber gloves head of Unnecessary Surgery Worm that was looted by Fern's party. It was used in a puzzle to direct the Gasworm's flammable gas to Feverworm's flames and create an explosion. - AH
Grat Column
Bubble-grat
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a neural implant that increases precision in attacks, meaning that attacks can't miss. Eyeslob bought this upgrade. 50 EXC AH
Hairball
Item-hairball
A clump of wet, cold and squishy hairs in an "evidence" bag. It was dropped from Macrobobby after being defeated by Fern and Willis in Lacey's endozone. It's a clue to Lacey's allergy problems. - AH
H'leth Bladder
Bubble-hleth
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a biological augmentation that increases expandable tissue capacity by 20%. In other words, it increases health by 20%. Eyeslob bought this health-up. 60 EXC AH
In Order Sticky Note
Item-inorder
A yellow sticky note that reads "IN ORDER SORRY D:", with a sadder face than the previous out of order note. Fern found it on an exit door near Dr Man's office some time after taking the previous note. This time the door lead to The Abyss's Zone Shacks. - AH
Inflatable Raft
Item-raft
A yellow inflatable raft for fast travel along rivers. It's sturdy and not made of leather nor rubber but instead of something organic. Sold by the bacteria shopkeeper and used by Diptworth to go down a waterfall luring away the Rapidworms. 30 KP AH
Inorganic Effigy
Bubble-doll
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is an old doll with a missing arm and an eye. The Parliament thinks it's used as lure by grey zoners for simple-minded prey. 1 EXC AH
Iron
Item-iron
A very old, dirty iron with no cord. It is described as a skerpenderpler, utilized from the grey zone to the seething to derple skerpens fast. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. 5600cc, ~250 AH
Kwunkub
Fleshitem-kwunkubb
With this you can squirt your matter straight back to where it last recongealed. Probably it revives you on the spot. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Lampshade
Item-lampshade
An ordinary, small, red fabric lampshade. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~100 AH
Lengthy Black Cord
Item-cable
A mundane electric cable Fern found on top of the lockers in the Surgery Ward's staff break room. She used it to pull a trap to keep Dr Phage out of his office long enough so Willis could steal the Maternity Ward Door's password. - AH
Magboil in a Bubble
Bubble-magboil
Found in one of Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE's bubbles, it's the corpse of a Magboil. Apparently its not for sale, as the merchant only pardons their mess. Not for sale AH
Magnet
Item-magnet
An ordinary horseshoe magnet. It's a living entity at some level but its perceptoid is safely confined to only the blue-orange manifestation phase. Magnets are normally considered living entities that can backtalk but grey zoners always see them inanimate. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~30ub AH
Mannequin Hand
Item-hand
A mannequin hand that is used for displaying rings. The fingers are a tad sharp. - AH
Mysterious Heavy Box
Item-box
A red, rusty box big enough to fit a small child and it's much heavier than it looks. Fern found it in the wardrobe of Lacey's Surgery Ward room and used it to trap Dr Phage under it long enough for Willis to steal the Maternity Ward Door's password from his office. 0 AH
Nothing
Item-none
Absolutely nothing! You get it from foes that have nothing on them or if you already stole everything from them. It's actually all around you if you really need it. 0 AH (all, really)
Obbler
Fleshitem-obbler
Presumably makes you invisible to non-flesh entities for the duration of one layer. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Out of Order Sticky Note
Outoforder
A yellow sticky note that reads "OUT OF ORDER SORRY :(". Fern found it on an exit door near Dr Man's office. At that time the door would lead to an empty place in The Abyss. Fern later used to note and put it on Double Door to escape its psychic influence. The note caused the entire Burgrr Inc. to momentarily unexist. - AH
Plastic Gas Hose
Item-gastube
A ripped piece of a plastic tube that connects a gas tank to a patient's mouth and nose, frequently used in anesthetics. - AH
Plastic Toy of Harmburger
Item-harmburger
A plastic toy of Harmburger strangling a chicken carcass. When pressing the hat the arms spin around, emitting the sound of a braying donkey. It gives Fern fuzzy memories of a Burgrr Inc. grey harvest. It was originally an item Crooked Spine was meaning to sell but he decided to keep it for himself. Not for sale AH
Rubber Dog Bone
Item-bone
A gnawed rubber dog bone, still shiny and slick with fresh saliva. It is described as being a pwabdangulap, ripe and juicy as when it was plucked from its mother's worb-hole. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. 5600cc, ~80ub AH
Rubber Duck
Dack
A yellow rubber duck that Fern took from a planter in the lobby near Dr Man's office. On future visits, another duck is seen developing from the soil. It is a squeaky toy. Some fans nicknamed it DACK and consider it a deity. It was used as a bait to trap Dr Phage since he perceived it asking for medical knowledge. - AH
Rusted Forceps Fragments
Item-scissorbits
The rusted remains of some snipper/s (such as Scissie and Scissane) that Jay disposed off outside the walls. Burying someone's remains outside The Hospital's walls prevents them from coming back and other's will forget them. Luckily, Fern recovered these snipper remains. - AH
Rusty Surgical Hook
Rustyhook
One of the rusty surgical hooks from the Unnecessary Surgery Worm's fingers. Celia removed one of them during battle by burglarizing it. It was attached to a human model to make a lure in solving a puzzle. NOTE: The image used for the item in this page is the same as the rusted grappling hook's and it wasn't fixed. - AH
Skwuung
Fleshitem-skwuung
A marvel of modern fleshnology, capable of feats. Sold by Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull when disguised as Parliament members. 1000 EXC or equivalent trade AH
Sleeping Bag
Item-sleepingbag
A tattered sleeping bag that smells faintly of urine. - AH
Slicklebrat
Bubble-slickle
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it slickles brats. 20 EXC AH
Venulom Droppler
Bubble-venomgland
Sold by Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE, it is a venomous gland for keratinous appendages (claws) that inflicts a damage per turn debuff on hit enemies. 250 EXC AH
Wrong Way Sign
Item-wrongway
A red, rectangular sign with "WRONG WAY" written on it with white letters. It is used for redirecting the course of pursuers. Fern bought it from Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull. ~100ub AH

Keys and Other Unlocking ItemsEdit

 
Keys and Other Unlocking Items
Name Image Description Cost Media
Biohazard Symbol Key
Item-biokey
A key with a biohazard symbol on it. It's used for locking/unlocking the garbage bins in The Hospital. Jay found one in the past and left it in his room. Fern later took it and used it on several garbage bins until she opened the one containing Millie. - AH
Circula Tori's ID Card
Item-id
One of many ID cards Dr Tori has lost, forcing Dr Phage to make new ones. This one was dropped in Fern's broken neck corpse and mailed to her by the friends she made while exploring her copse's endozone. She can use it for gaining staff clearance and pretending to be Tori, which doesn't fool smarter staff. She can assume Tori's identity for only three layers (three comic pages) or else her existosphere will be merged, becoming Tori herself. - AH
File Key
Item-filekey
A key with a folder trinket. Fern found it in Dr Man's trash and it opens the locked metal files. - AH
Morgue Key
Morguekey
A skull shaped key with a red coffin shaped trinket. It can be used to call Bubble Merchant V2X-UMMBULE