Dr Ichabod Malachi Man
"Ahh. Visitors. It's not locked. Yet. Ha ha. Doctor jokes."
Bioform: Human (?)
Native zone: Grey zone/The Hospital
Residence: The Hospital, Plank Maze
Occupation: Doctor
Likes: Jokes
Dislikes: Dr Phage
The only human (?) doctor in The Hospital.


Dr Man specializes in curing paraviolet zone patients (they are similar to grey zoners) at the Hospital. He doesn't have much authority outside his sector. He claims to have gotten to the Hospital by walking all the way from Falling Creek, Virginia, somehow ending up in the facility. In his journal it is said that he was a normal doctor back in his world until he had to deal with a patient that suffered from an early strain of the Slob infection. Dr Man was the only one who could perceive the true condition of the patient while everybody else failed to acknowledge the condition and finally even the patient. The disease also had a deteriorating effect on its immediate surroundings, similar to the Plank Maze. As the cancerous strands were spreading, so did the deteriorating effect and a new wooden door appeared in Dr Man's office. There was nothing behind the door in the adjacent room and Man was mentally impeded to enter it. Once the patient's cancer died and Dr Man assisted their termination, he entered the door and walked the plank hallway until he arrived at the Hospital. His presence was welcomed by the staff, who now consider him one of them as if he was always there. He's not fully acknowledged by the doctors and they aren't very fond and familiar with him. Sometimes they won't notice him until an interaction is initiated and are met with initial confusion until their minds fully catch up to his existence. He now has a Hospital office that's overtaken by the Plank Maze, which may contribute in making doctors forget him. Compared to the other Hospital doctors, he appears to be competent in grey zone medicine and aids Fern in understanding the nature of the Hospital she has entered into. Dr Man promises to take a look at her son once she retrieves him.

His second wife was said to be a myrmecologist (studies ants) and he learned from her about the ability of some insects and other arthropods to blend in ant colonies by tricking ants into thinking they're one of their own using pheromone and tactile mimicry. Dr Man's situation is similar to an ant mimic, being an alien to his new environment where he is considered one of the locals.

Other things of note about Dr Man are his constant, unnatural smiling and pink nose. "I can't explain why tons of other people draw all of their humans that way, but a nose can become permanently pinkish from a lifetime of alcoholism." For a so called human, he acts very unnatural. Always smiling, sleeping while standing, starring out a bricked window and his volume increases drastically when mentioning Phage. He doesn't even use a chair. He also likes to make doctor and pickle jokes. He claims that he's no emotional being but seems to have a lot of bottled rage towards Dr Phage. He sometimes forgets that other grey zoners communicate through the vibration of air molecules, which seems novel to him. His own senses allow knowing other's names without it being mentioned, having some sort of telepathy. Unlike other humans, Dr Man had no difficulty in adjusting to how zones, layers and other alien stuff work, to the point that he started writing layer designations instead of regular dates. He can do things that regular humans can't comprehend, such as dipping into the sub-black for a quick gleamenating.

Although at first it is not clear why, he and Dr Phage seem to dislike each other and pretend the other does not exist. The mutual animosity is evident in Dr Man keeping a dart board of a bacteriophage on his wall, and Phage's statue depicting him crushed under the weight of Phleboto's foot. Man made the observation that the Hospital is decaying in its original functionality and Phage is inexplicably too incompetent to be the head of the Hospital who earns the unwavering faith of his subordinates. Phage can sense when Man even vaguely mentions him in his private notes and punishes him for doubting his capabilities. Phage eventually demoted Man to work exclusively with "his people", who are actually uncategorizable to Dr Man's taxonomic system but exhibit superficial similarity to his species. They may be the paraviolet zoners. Because these patients are low priority and easy to treat, Dr Man goes more unnoticed and has more time to research the state of the Hospital. He came to the conclusion that not every doctor originally belonged to the Hospital and some of them accidentally wound up here by mistake.

Dr Man himself doubts that he is a true human or grey zoner. He possesses memories and artifacts suggesting an existence prior manifesting in the Hospital. He considers the possibility that he is a reverberator, a parasite, a thing that assumed this identity or, more likely, the imperfect perceptual manifestation of the comfortably recognizable, "human" doctor human patients so desperately desire, born from a wish. He does however consider himself a true medical professional.

To act as a true Hospital staff, Dr Man blocked Fern's access to the Maternity Ward. He initiated a fight, taking off his coat, from which his pals, Bandages and Antibiotic Ointment emerged as support. He has a considerable muscle power and fights using his fists. His "Vibropunch" move is one in which he throws a punch into nothing and the opponent feels the impact seconds later. It may be based on air vibration and it parodies the attack animation from other turn-based RPG games. Vibropunch has a single damage roll at first but it increases with each consecutive blow, raising the potential damage output over turns. His other known move is "Double Intrazonal Spiralcut" in which he used both his fists for more damage. Dr Man is very resilient, having 400 HP, but being at LVL 1 makes him take more damage. The Antibiotic Ointment nullifies all malady damage by covering Man in ointment and the Bandages fully heals him after receiving damage by wrapping him up and emerging at full health. With the commenters' guidance, Fern found a way to win by soaking the Bandages with blackish foam, which made it sick and instead of healing Dr Man it doubled received damage. Dr Man actually tested Fern to prepare her for what awaits and making the Hospital think he was trying to stop her. Just before receiving the last blow, he hit Fern without killing her and she woke up in her bed greeted by Man. He allowed her free but warned about what awaits beyond.

First AppearanceEdit

In Awful Hospital in his office.


  • LVL: 1
  • HP: 400
  • Moves: Vibropunch, Double Intrazonal Spiralcut


  • His shortened name Dr. I.M. Man sounds like "I am Man".
  • He is drawn in more detail than Fern.
  • He has blue eyes.
  • He has a cup of kale smoothie with "#0 DAD" written on it.
  • He is described as having a voice comparable to that of Boris Karloff.
  • He is inspired by Moguro Fukuzo from The Laughing Salesman manga and anime.
  • The real life Falling Creek, Virginia is a ghost town.
  • Dr Man has a Rod of Asclepius tattoo on his right arm.
  • His battle stats were unknown at first but after the commenters deduced his level and HP they were shown on the page.
  • His battle theme is Doctor Mario - Chill - Smash ver.
  • He can hear the commenters.
  • He is around 66 in human years (if he indeed is human).