|"The pain of sitting on all THESE INCREDIBLE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS!"|
|Other names:||Crooked Spine|
|Dislikes:||Not as much money|
Crooked Spine is a... well... crooked spine. He is found in the Hospital as a patient but it's not clear if he indeed has a medical condition or he's just there to make business.
Real name is Cobb Angus, he is a crooked spinal column with a pelvis at the base and wearing a fedora on top. He appears to float a few inches above any surface he's standing on. The fact that he's crooked may or may not be the true reason he's at the Hospital. Crooked Spine carries a briefcase with him that contains items for sale. "Everything in his briefcase is basically just dug out of garbage". Although he lacks grasping appendages, he is still able to open the briefcase and handle the items without touching them.
He attempts to sell his wares to potential customers, which he is willing to trade for blood or other types of currency, such as used bandages. Most items for sale seem to be just junk he collected. He talks like a businessman and can go for a long period of time talking about his deals and offers.
Later we find out that Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull have formed a partnership, giving him a fedora. They also build a shop in the spine's patient room.
When The Eyeslob pays a visit to the Spine's room; we see that he and the Skull are suddenly red and fleshy. But the Spine's dialogue suggests this to be a disguise rather than The Corruption. It's unknown whether it is theatrical makeup… or some bit of alien technology.
Crooked Spine: What a STARTLING coincidence that we would meet such a FINE unsuspecting young chap as yourself from the VERY! SAME! ZONE! That we DEFINITELY come from and is DEFINITELY eager to accept our business!!!!
In Awful Hospital as a patient. Ms Green gives him blood from Oozing Skull to trade for louse treatment, a tote bag and an extra prize of aerosol cheese in a can. Later his shop is available for more purchasable items.
- His real name is a pun on the Cobb angle, used to measure scoliosis.
- He seems to have influenced his own character file.