|"The pain of sitting on all THESE INCREDIBLE LIMITED-TIME OFFERS!"|
|Other names:||Crooked Spine|
|Dislikes:||Not as much money|
Crooked Spine is a... well... crooked spine. He is found in the Hospital as a patient but it's not clear if he indeed has a medical condition or he's just there to make business.
Real name is Cobb Angus, he is a crooked spinal column with a pelvis at the base and wearing a fedora on top. He appears to float a few inches above any surface he's standing on. The fact that he's crooked may or may not be the true reason he's at the Hospital. Crooked Spine carries a briefcase with him that contains items for sale. "Everything in his briefcase is basically just dug out of garbage". Although he lacks grasping appendages, he is still able to open the briefcase and handle the items without touching them.
He attempts to sell his wares to potential customers, which he is willing to trade for blood or other types of currency, such as used bandages and others. Most items for sale seem to be just junk he collected. He talks like a businessman and can go for a long period of time talking about his deals and offers.
Later we find out that Crooked Spine and Oozing Skull have formed a partnership, giving him a fedora. They also built a shop in the spine's patient room.
He's very opportunistic, using any situation and occasion to make a profit, selling anything to anyone indiscriminately. When Eyeslob, a product of the Parliament of the Old Flesh, stumbled in his shop he and the skull were wearing a flesh coating as a disguise to pretend being from the same zone. They even fooled the Slob's Infoid Larvus into thinking their business is Parliament activity in progress. Comically, Angus kept messing up by saying New Flesh, Real Flesh and Right Flesh instead of Old Flesh but nobody minded. They offered a new set of flesh related items for purchase.
In Awful Hospital as a patient. Fern gives him blood from Oozing Skull to trade for louse treatment, a tote bag and an extra prize of aerosol cheese in a can. Later his shop is available for more purchasable items.
- His real name is a pun on the Cobb angle, used to measure scoliosis.
- He seems to have influenced his own character file.
- The shop sign that has a blood streak made by Oozing Skull actually reads: "Broken Bone Bros. Bargain Blast".