|"PROCESSING...DOODLY DOO-DOO-DOO, PROCESSING. BZZZZZZZZZ. WOW THIS IS TAKING FOREVER. WUBWUBWUBWUBWUBWUB. GRRRRNK. BLOOP!"|
|Native zone:||The Hospital|
|Occupation:||Computer, security, data management|
Crash is a supercomputer found in the staff only area of the surgery ward. He has a huge main monitor screen and several other screens. There are many buttons, keys and dials, all which he can use with his own cords. In this way he can even debug himself. The buttons are also covered in chips dust, with empty bags laying on the floor. The screen is black with green outlines making out the grid and his many distorted, warping, multiplying faces. His voice is electronic.
Crash has poor manners and a joking personality. He likes to give nicknames to everyone and anything. He also has the habit of saying computer sound effect out loud. When Fern first walked in his room, even if she qualifies as an intruder, he only jokingly threatened to electrocute her to death, not truly meaning it. Even when she tried to pretend to be Tori with her card (and failed), Crash only laughed at her attempt. His laugh is very obnoxious and sounds like an electronic chorus of turkeys. He doesn't seem too much loyal to the Hospital, as he calls it a "chop shop" and he's even willing to share his files with intruders. Beside his poor taste in jokes, he can also use memes from the real world. Such was the case when he reverse Rick Roll'd Fern as a joke. His ability to enter the grey zone internet is also demonstrated by his habit of causing plane crashes, if his words are to be believed. He does this out of boredom and he's also very bored of his limited job. With all his processing power, reading our entire internet is the equivalent of reading a magazine in a waiting room out of boredom. Crash is capable of much more but requires direct order from medical staff to perform certain tasks.
He dated the Hospital's X-ray machine and now they are exes.
Crash eventually gets his core schroded by Scissie and Scissane under the orders of Fern, who was pretending to be Tori. He tried to stop this by breaking all of Jay's bones to transform him into a monstrous slob during the operation, which Fern and Willis managed to defeat. He himself then turned into a slob, but Fern tried to talk with him and she discovered that Crash had been fond of his technician, who was erased from existence. After this, Crash's core was schroded as the operation finished.
In Awful Hospital.
- His name is a joke on the term "crash" when it comes to computers.
- It's also a joke on the fact that he crashes planes.
- His dialogue is written in all caps.
- He is the one who has to keep remaking Tori's ID cards when she loses them. He also can't be fooled when an impostor uses one of his cards as disguise.
- A computotechnicianist used to keep him happy but they were murdered and unexistalized by Jay so nobody on the staff remembers them. This is also the cause why Crash's mental state degrades over time.
- Crash has a Disqus account and joined the Awful Hospital comment section on page 525. After interacting with the commenters until he got bored, he erased from existence the most troublesome ones and left.